¿Have you ever wondered what it takes to create unforgettable moments while traveling? One of the easiest ways to do it is to “suck” at traveling. Follow these ten simple steps, and I promise you will have experiences that will stay with you forever (although I don’t guarantee that you will enjoy the journey… at all)
1. Don’t even try to investigate about the country you are going to visit. Let things like the weather, currency, traditions and attractions surprise you when you arrive. If you just bring spring clothes and the temperature drops down to 5°C, you will be able to take pretty funny pictures, and you’ll have great stories to tell when you go back home.
2. Experience the thrill even before leaving your house: start packing just some hours before your flight, and don’t prepare a packing list, just include whatever comes to your mind right then and there (you never know when you will need a formal gown or your favourite pair of high heels). Don’t forget to pull your most surprised face when the scale marks 6kg of extra luggage, or when you find out that you left all your underwear in the dryer.
3. Why would you want to waste so many hours at the airport before your international flight? Arrive with just enough time to board the plane. If there’s a mistake or confusion with the check-in or your flight number, just get stressed with everyone around you and complain out loud about the incompetency of people.
4. At the airport, the most important thing is to never lose your style and class. Tie your shoelaces with a triple knot, and wear as many layers of clothes and accessories as possible: necklaces, bracelets, belts… the point is looking like a Christmas tree. When going through security, it will be such an adventure to remove each item while everybody else waits in line.
5. Forget (for the tenth time) the regulations for carry-on luggage and pack your brand new Swiss knife and family-size French perfume so the officers can take them away and throw them to the garbage when you go through security. Remember that is good to learn how to become detached from material things.
6. Long flights can affect your circulation, so get moving! Choose a window seat, especially if you have a small bladder. Then start the party by drinking some extra wine (alcohol affects you in a faster and stronger way when you are flying). That way you won’t notice how obnoxious you get. You might not even notice the landing… or the five airsickness bags that you will need during the flight.
7. The best things about traveling are the memories and the people you share them with. Keep the phone in your hand at all times, and use Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to share whatever you are doing every ten minutes. It doesn’t matter if you end up paying way more attention to your social network than the trip itself, the ultimate goal is to let everyone know what amazing time you are having.
8. As soon as you arrive start complaining about everything: the weather, the transportation, the smell, the food, the people and everything you can think of. Avoid any unfamiliar environments and contact with locals. Identify the restaurant inside the hotel and the nearest McDonald’s and you will be safe.
9. Spend your days beside the hotel pool and going shopping. Don’t even dare to visit any cultural sites, museums or monuments; old buildings are everywhere. If you are part of a tour and you have to go, just keep speaking loud, laughing at everything and taking funny pictures of people like if you were in a circus.
10. Nobody knows you, so unleash the crazy beast inside of you and do everything you would never do in your country. Don’t follow the rules and act like if you didn’t care about anybody in the world. Don’t forget to wear a t-shirt with the flag or name of your country, so locals know the nation you represent with that level of education and respect.
This is a completely sarcastic post, but it does come from real life. We all know people that actually act like the points above and end up having –or making others have– a terrible time. So, if you don’t want to “suck” at traveling, plan ahead of time and get ready, read about the culture and history of the country you are going to visit, ask for tips from friends that have already gone, participate in blogs, and above all, prepare to enjoy to the maximum the amazing experience of immersing yourself in the richness of every place you visit. I leave you with awesome quote by James Michener:
“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay at home”.